Secrets
by craZdancer25
Summary: She doesn't know. I can't tell her. If she finds out she won't understand. We can't be apart. We can't be together either.
1. Chapter 1

**Looking at some stories I thought this would be a good idea for a fanfic. I'm looking for a number of reviews and if I don't get there by a certain time, I won't continue with this story so if you want me to keep writing, you know what to do! P.S. I'm going to keep writing my other story so check that out if you want to!**

"What were you thinking?" she said to me.

"I wasn't."

Those all knowing eyes condescending on me, her frown, the anger pointed directly at me, she couldn't see and I couldn't tell her.

If I let her know, she would call me a liar, but if she found out, she couldn't deny it. And she probably wouldn't understand.

Every other girl never compared with her. They didn't mean anything. She never realized. I can't play her games and she doesn't know that I'm even playing.

"Eli, I can't be with you if you can't be with _just_ me. I owe it to myself to be with someone who treats me right. I'm sorry," she was on the edge of tears and I was pretending to be hard as a rock, but inside I was screaming at myself.

There she was waiting for me to say something to try and redeem myself even though she knew that there was no way I would be able to talk myself out of it. There I was with nothing to say because all that would come out would be the truth.

So I looked down at the floor hoping she would just leave. It made me sick to see her run away from me with tears streaming down her face, but there was no other way. Just a few days ago we had been laughing and talking and flirting, and I had to go and ruin it.

"Clare!" I called after her though I knew it was hopeless.

The final bell for class rang. No one was in the hall. It was so quiet I could hear a pin drop. I sank down until I was leaning against my locker. "Aw, Eli's going to cry. Better watch your eyes, don't want your eye liner to run," was probably the least thing I wanted to hear.

I was so angry at myself and so hurt about Clare that I just ignored him.

"What? To choked up for a comeback?" he laughed.

"Can you just leave me alone for once? Or are you to worried that as soon as you do people will think you've gone soft?" it was lame but I wasn't thinking to hard about Fitz.

"Oh no, I just wanted to let you know that Clare told me to tell you to go to hell. And those come straight from the Christian freak's mouth. Actually she kind of screamed them to me," he said with that stupid smirk on his face.

My anger started bubbling inside my stomach. He was trying to edge me on and it was working. If I said anything right now, it wouldn't come out the way I would want it to.

"She just ran down the hall actually. I'm surprised you didn't hear that little cry baby yourself."

I was breathing so hard I think Fitz actually thought that my chest would explode. He was trying to bait me by making fun of Clare. How dare he call her those things! The only way it could get worse is if I would retaliate. Not a chance was I going to let him get to me.

"So what happened anyway? Did you cheat on her with some random girl and Clare was stupid enough to think that you two were exclusive?"

"Shut the hell up!" I said forcefully. A teacher down the hall opened their door but didn't see us so he closed it again. Apparently I was louder than I thought. "You don't know the first thing about her. You say one more thing about her, I swear you'll regret it."

"Okay," he said holding his hands up in defeat. "But I should probably warn you, when she comes over later tonight so che can hang out with a guy that doesn't drive a car they carry dead people in, we're just going to talk..._ in private._"

"If you even think that you can lay a hand on her, I swear you'll-"

Before I finished, he was out the front door. I had to get to Clare before Fitz could. Even if she won't understand, I have to tell her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so this chapter is short but I knew you guys would want something short over nothing. Not enough time in the day. Anyway, here it is, I hope you like it!**

School took forever today. Everyone was buzzing with excitement over the homecoming dance on Saturday. That just made it worse. If you asked me before I came to Degrassi, I would have said that going to dances was a form of punishment. The only person that could ever convince me to go was Clare. Yesterday, I was actually excited for it. Somehow she told me it would be fun and got me to agree. And I'm pretty sure that she doesn't want me to go anymore.

Why did I have to do that to her? She didn't deserve it. Even if I tell myself that I thought I was doing the right thing, I knew deep down that she was different than every other girl. All the other girls I had dated before hadn't prepared me for this.

I know that I am the last person she wants to see, but I have to talk to her. What could I say? She knows how I feel. Just get her to stay away from Fitz. That's it.

Once Morty was parked in front of her house, I walked slowly up the steps to her house. After I rang the door bell, I stepped back, preparing myself to get verbally abused.

"What are you doing here?" I heard. The door was open just a crack, and her face was barely an inch outside. But she didn't sound rude or accusatory. She sounded exasperated.

"Clare," I said softly. My train of thought changed courses at the tone of her voice.

"Eli, please. I can't do this anymore," even her pleading sounded tired.

"Clare," I pleaded back.

She looked up at me through her soft eyelashes, "It hurts too much. Every time I give you a chance, it blows up in my face."

All I wanted to do was make her feel better and I knew I was the only one who could do it. "You really can't be with me anymore can you?" I asked as kindly as possible even though I was just realizing it and it was tearing me apart.

Looking down at her shoes, she mumbled, "I'm sorry."

It seemed like she was going to shatter into a million tiny pieces. Out of instinct, I put my hand on her cheek. "Promise me something."

She searched my eyes then remembered we weren't together and asked brokenly, "Why?"

"Because if I hold you back, we'll both never forgive ourselves," I whispered.

We stood like that for what seemed like hours, but somehow she snapped out of it because she stepped away from me and murmured, "Just go."

"Clare," I said apologetically.

"Bye Eli." The door closed.

**Thanks for reading! Please review! All comments are welcome!**

**Chpt 3 preview-**

**Eli will end up going to that dance on Saturday hoping Clare will be there. What happens while he's there, you'll just have to read to find out!**


	3. Chapter 3

**So I took a different direction on this chapter than what I was expecting to do, but I hope you like it nonetheless. Also ideas for future chapters are advised because it's hard to think of them all on my own and your opinions are always good! Please review! **

It was Saturday night, and I was questioning my sanity. Why on earth had I decided to come? I knew that this was the last place I would choose to be. At least I had enough common sense to drag Adam along with me.

The student council really outdid themselves. Ha that's funny. All that seemed different was that there was a white fence-looking thing surrounding half of the gym with Christmas lights weaved in it. I was already getting annoyed at the amount of people here and the people controlling the songs had no sense of good music. All they were playing was this pop junk, Lady Gaga and Beyonce.

Clare wasn't here, but I hadn't lost hope. Even after what she said yesterday I still had this feeling that she would come. Adam and I stood in the door way to the gym not sure of what to do. No one was really dancing. Instead people were just standing around, talking. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come after all. Even if she would show up, hadn't she already told me to leave her alone?

"I don't know what you want to do, but I don't want to be here," I said to Adam.

It looked like he wasn't quite sure if he thought he was supposed to come with me or stay here. We moved to the side of the door so people could get in and out. Looking between the lobby and the gym, it was easy to tell he had a preference.

"Do you want me to come with?" Adam asked glumly.

"Go. If Clare shows up, tell her that I'll be at The Dot," I said. If there was even the slightest chance Clare would show up, I couldn't miss it.

"See you later?" He asked walking away; trying to make sure I wasn't angry that he was going to stay.

"Sure."

As he made his way to Drew, who was in the middle of the gym, I walked out the doors. Once I was in the lobby, I already had this overwhelming sense of relief. The loud music, blinking lights, and amount of people made me disoriented. There were only a few random people in the lobby; girls gossiping, guys messing around, teachers taking a break from chaperoning. It was hard to miss what the group of girls from my grade was saying. They were talking so loudly.

"Can you believe it? Declan came back!" One girl whispered/shouted to the group surrounding her.

I slowed my pace walking next to them. Sav told Adam and me stories about Declan once. It was easy to tell that he didn't like him though I couldn't quite figure out why. The reason I slowed down was actually because I had to make sure this had nothing to do with Clare. Sav didn't know that I liked Clare when he told us, but there was that story about her having a crush on Declan.

"Are they back together?" someone from the group asked the girl.

"No! Didn't you hear?" She asked the group, feigning shock. They all shook their heads so she would continue. "Really? Well, I probably shouldn't say anything then."

By now I was basically standing in the middle of the floor, but I wanted to know what they were talking about. I was almost positive it wasn't Clare. Maybe she would show up if I waited here for a while, this way Adam wouldn't have to try to talk her into going to meet me. And I could hear what they were talking about. Although I have to admit that the one girl was starting to annoy me. She was just going for attention now, that's why she won't tell them anything directly.

_Please tell us! _and _We won't tell anyone._ or_ Come on you have to say it! _were coming from the crowd of girls now. Those girls weren't very smart, if they were, they would know that to get her to tell them whatever her secret was they would have to act like they don't care about her secret. She's doing it for attention so if she doesn't get it, she'll have to reveal her secret to remain the center of it.

"If I tell you guys, you have to promise not to say anything to anyone. If this gets out, it's going to lead right back to me," the girl said.

I was starting to wonder who the girl was. She was really getting to me.

"We won't say anything. We promise," they said practically in unison.

Her tone lowered considerably. "Holly J and Sav have been sneaking around since about a week after she broke up with Declan. When Declan came back for her, he caught them together."

There were audible gasps coming from all of the girls. They were standing next to the stairs while I was sitting on the chairs against the wall. I wanted to burst out laughing. It was laughable how obsessed they were over this. A minute more of listening to them would have left my head pounding with a migraine.

Getting up and heading for the door, I contemplated turning around so I could tell those girls how stupid they sounded and how pointless it was for them to talk about someone else's problems.

For some reason, I just kept going for the door. Maybe I wasn't in the mood to tell them off. Whatever it was, it didn't matter because when I opened the door, they seemed to notice I was listening.

Normally I wouldn't have cared. The clothes I wear and the car I drive should be proof enough of that. But in a normal situation, Clare wouldn't have come through the door with Fitz trailing behind her while however many girls stood whispering to each other and staring at me from a corner.


End file.
